“Hello.”
“Hey, turn to channel 31. I want you to watch something.”
“…but, I’m already in bed, I’m so tired. What is it?”
“It’s a movie about a little girl that reminds me of you. You must watch this!”
“Let me guess, Matilda?”
“How did you know?”
“It’s one of my favorite movies. I always see myself as I watch that movie.”
Anyone that knows me, will know exactly where I am going with this. There’s something to be said about letting go of your past and moving towards positivity. Matilda, as we’ll refer to her in this story, was not the average child. She was quiet, meager, and seemingly fragile, both physically and emotionally. Little did she, or anyone else know just how strong she really was.
Unbeknownst to her mom, Matilda and her little sister would be locked into a room for hours at a time with no access to a bathroom, nor food. They just had each other. Their baby sibling was around, but for some reason, Matilda seemed to get the brunt end of things.
At the same time, she was bullied in school. She was always the smallest, the shortest, the new one, the one without the name-brand sneakers, or being the “teacher’s pet”. What most failed to realized was that although Matilda stayed away from the other kids and stayed close to the teacher to feel some sort of safety, the teachers were naturally drawn to her because of her talent.
Matilda would sit in her room and let her imagination run wild. She thought up songs, games and stories and an imaginary world outside of her childhood. She carried on the most intricate conversations with her dolls; they were always ready to listen.
All the while, Matilda did not realize she was beginning to live in a world all her own. She was now not just quiet, but eventually began to be different. She was a little more outspoken with time, but most often her demeanor presented as defiant; something that at her core, Matilda was not.
Matilda never got in trouble. She loved school, and it was then that she felt the urge to express herself through writing. She never imagined her written words would become louder and have more of an impact than her verbalization.
It wasn’t until a high school journaling assignment was issued to Matilda’s class that everything changed. Without a second thought, she spilled her guts onto those thirteen pages, and shared with herself (the one she actually writing to), that she wanted it all to end. Matilda was suicidal and was quite nonchalant about it by that time. She had contemplated so many different scenarios in which things could be different. She grew tired; Matilda was done. She thought that it would be easier to leave it all behind and just part. This way, she would avoid further pain, and potential legal implications from finally taking matters into her own hands.
Matilda thought nothing of the teacher calling her into a private meeting with him. He asked her about her entry, and she shared her story openly and without reproach for the first time. I am a big believer of signs; that teacher’s urge to change lives was what ended up saving Matilda. That conversation gave her a renewed confidence, a surge of energy that was just what she needed.
To her surprise, Matilda would not have to carry that burden in her daily life much longer. “He”, the one that had tormented her throughout her childhood made his last mistake! He approached her in a new way, with perfect timing! That assignment and post interaction with her teacher had served as a confidence booster. She had it!
As he approached her, Matilda could hear all the terrible things she had engrained into her beliefs throughout the years; all the derogatory comments that now tainted her self-perspective. She could hear them clear as ever.
“You better marry rich! You will never amount to anything! You’re an embarrassment to your mother. Why would she let them take you from fifth grade and put you in high school? You aren’t even worth it!”
Even though Matilda hated him with her entire being, inside, she smiled. She smiled because she knew this was the only way the nightmare that had been for so long, would finally be over.
Matilda was right! She heard the car approach outside and bolted, barefoot, her hair still dripping from the shower she ran out of. “I am not going back in there, EVER!”
So, it became true that she would never have to return. That day opened what would prove to be the most difficult time for Matilda’s mom and little sisters, but they prevailed. They prevailed because Matilda’s mom was strong and brave; Matilda just watched, soaking it all in. She watched her mother pick up the pieces and be strong for the family unit, never giving up on showing her children that anything is possible, if you just believe in yourself and push through.
The unfortunate thing about Matilda, or anyone for that matter, going through such adversities, is that one is never the same. After that, Matilda, although strong and determined, was undoubtedly affected by the years of abuse, both at the hands of her stepfather, school bullies, and the silence that seemed to keep her imprisoned. She suffered from low self-esteem and was ill-equipped with the coping skills she did possess.
Matilda’s skewed perception of herself landed her in other toxic relationships. She became a mother at sixteen, but never forgot the negative words she came to believe. She graduated with her kids on her hip at each graduation. You see, Matilda went on to graduate high school with honors, obtain a degree in Criminal Justice, a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, along with licenses and certifications in financial, and life and health coaching, among other things.
It was while working on her Bachelor’s degree that Matilda experienced the unthinkable. She was assaulted by her partner at the time, and suffered injuries, both physical and emotional. The emotional scars lasted much longer than did the physical, as they tend to do. Matilda refused to let that discourage her from living, loving, and thriving. She kept telling herself that she knew there had to be a purpose to all she had been through. She knew she had to find a way to not only share her story, but also and most importantly, use it to empower others in her place.
Today, Matilda, whom some know as Karen or Kay, stands vibrant and stronger than ever. I may not ever earn the world’s greatest mother award, but my children are each strong-willed and independent thinkers. For that, I am proud.
Business and career-wise, I have embarked on multiple ventures at once and people have called me crazy! I see things differently. I have diverse interests and if an opportunity presents itself, I seize it! I don’t believe in failures, but rather in learning opportunities. My secret is to simply use adversities as steppingstones. I use negative circumstances to propel myself forward. My latest, becoming an Independent Mary Kay consultant. What better way to mesh what I already do by helping other women? Let's not forget my passion for the re-entry population. Coaching in general is my passion. I love my job!
That’s how Resilient Phoenix Coaching came to be. I now help empower others, especially women, to find that inner true version of themselves and encourage them to shine. I have come a long way from those dark days. I am an entrepreneur, a homeowner in a small town, car paid off, and the happiest I have ever been. The biggest compliment from the Universe to me, is that others notice who I truly am. I am not a mean and withdrawn child, I am a survivor! I am grateful and look forward to witnessing what God has in store for me day after day!
Moral of the story, NEVER for a second, allow your past to dictate your future!
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