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"If you want my honest answer, it works!"​

Karen Delgado

"Change your position, change your perspective." That was the lesson I learned this week. As you may recall, I shared last week that a friend was losing her home. Among other things I have been witness to this week, I have felt helpless and a bit discouraged. I have to keep reminding myself that just because I am a coach, does not mean I have it all together. I have also been putting pressure on myself to produce these features, as the name implies, on Fridays. I have realized I have a higher success rate if I post on Saturdays. Problem being, writer's block due to all of the stress.


This morning, I remembered what I had learned earlier in the week. I decided I was not working in my office today. Instead, I gave myself permission to work with a different view. So, I moved my laptop from my desk, to my back porch and just basked in the sun for a while, watching the steam rise from my freshly brewed cup. Then, I began to recall a recent client's reaction. I was ready.


Today I wanted to tell you about a boy; a boy that has yet to learn the value he brings to this world. He doesn’t know I’m writing this so I will not share his name, but he will see this in due time.

I think he believes he is invisible. I know he feels he is unworthy, and somewhat of an outcast. Aside from his close family, he’s a bit of a loner. I don’t believe he realizes just how bright he truly is. I heard him say once he wants to be a scientist when he grows up. I can see that! I immediately saved the image of him in a crisp-white lab coat in my mental archive of the future. He always second-guesses himself. Often, he will momentarily look to his sister for reassurance. She’s a topic for a whole other story! Their ties are an unwavering force!


I have watched him from afar at times, visualizing that scientist he will become. He is so confident, and his lab coat is his prized possession; not a wrinkle in sight! His shiny brown hair is perfectly in place and his dark eyes reflect the joy that is the life he has built for himself!


This boy, twelve, to be exact, I find to be rather brave. I see the way he carries himself, going to extremes. He will be quiet for days, and suddenly, splash the world with his corny jokes that are so bland, they actually make you break. It saddens me though, to see through his humor at times. He will make derogatory comments or “jokes” about his person in attempt to deflect the sorrow he actually feels.


He is handsome yet has not seen this for himself. He is strong yet does not yet realize it. He is protective yet does not feel it. He is assertive yet does not see his confidence is there. He is reserved, and intelligent enough to comprehend that accepting help is never a sign of weakness.


You see, like many boys his age, he suffers from low self-esteem. It doesn’t stop there. He has medical issues he is trying to understand and is constantly met with negativity from a cruel world. Today, this brave future scientist is embracing coaching as a way of building boundaries, along with his self-esteem.


I was blown away by his reaction to being enrolled in coaching by his mother. She had completely forgotten the day of the first session had come. He was literally learning of what would be this new endeavor for him, literally at the start of the hour. He squirmed around and smiled nervously, while at the same time hanging on to every concept I introduced.


I asked him if he knew what the purpose of an anchor was. He replied, “Yes, to hold a boat in place!”


“Perfect”, I said to him. When I went further into the exercise, he explained to me that he had no anchors. It was the way he told me he did not, that stuck with me. He had a look on his face as if he had disappointed me, or worse, himself.


In closing our session, I suggested the task of searching for an anchor for the next session. He did not necessarily confirm he was accepting the task, but, nonetheless; I accepted his silence as a silent agreement. I also asked him how he felt after having gone through our first session together. He said, “If you want my honest answer, it’s working!”


I was floored! I knew this was big! He was wanting to return! I was so excited for him and his mother, I could not wait to speak with!


Later that night, his mother and I communicated just to see how things had gone that evening for him after session. I explained what I had suggested as a task, and he replied, “No wonder he was telling me he did not realize he already had an anchor, as he pulled out an old stuffed animal.”


Often times, we see our children struggle and wonder how we can help. In this case, this boy’s parent approached me for help with coaching as a supplement to her child’s treatment. She had found something out of the box for her child that she was willing to put her faith in so that it may help the situation. Be open and receptive to novice ideas, and you just may pleasantly surprised. I am beyond excited to watch this boy flourish and I am honored to say he accepted me as his life coach!


I know this will forever be my favorite "accidental" review!

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